Gläce Luxury Ice Co.

Ballin‘!! Destined to be the leader in the ‘premium ice market’ – a market that DOES NOT ACTUALLY EXIST – Gläce Luxury Ice Co. makes ‘perfectly spherical’ 2.5″ spherical ice cubes. Because most ice that the rest of us plebeians are forced to put in our beverages contain ‘minerals, additives, and other pollutants’, the ‘cubes’ are made out of purified water so as not to soil your Appletini or fine chardonnay with an off flavor.

And don’t forget that the spherical shape of Gläce Luxury Ice “…allows differentiation for those consuming a premium drink from those with less discerning tastes.” That means that you can drop one of these babies into your 600 year-old single-malt Glen-named scotch and feel confident enough to look down your nose and scoff at anyone in the bar who has used multiple square ice cubes (*snort*) to cool their beverages. Oh, the underclasses and their shoddy cooling ingredients!

Honestly, I have nothing against spherical ice and have used the homemade variety before but did I mention that five of the Gläce Luxury Ice spheres run $40? That is $8 a piece for those unwilling to do the math. We can’t all have the superior taste that this gentleman (or this gentleman) obviously has but an eight dollar hunk of frozen water in our heavily marketed premium vodka will inform others that you do indeed have a superior palate and that you yourself are “ballin'” above those around you.

Or you can just go buy these for $16 and make all you want…