Ballin‘!! Destined to be the leader in the ‘premium ice market’ – a market that DOES NOT ACTUALLY EXIST – Gläce Luxury Ice Co. makes ‘perfectly spherical’ 2.5″ spherical ice cubes. Because most ice that the rest of us plebeians are forced to put in our beverages contain ‘minerals, additives, and other pollutants’, the ‘cubes’ are made out of purified water so as not to soil your Appletini or fine chardonnay with an off flavor.
And don’t forget that the spherical shape of Gläce Luxury Ice “…allows differentiation for those consuming a premium drink from those with less discerning tastes.” That means that you can drop one of these babies into your 600 year-old single-malt Glen-named scotch and feel confident enough to look down your nose and scoff at anyone in the bar who has used multiple square ice cubes (*snort*) to cool their beverages. Oh, the underclasses and their shoddy cooling ingredients!
Honestly, I have nothing against spherical ice and have used the homemade variety before but did I mention that five of the Gläce Luxury Ice spheres run $40? That is $8 a piece for those unwilling to do the math. We can’t all have the superior taste that this gentleman (or this gentleman) obviously has but an eight dollar hunk of frozen water in our heavily marketed premium vodka will inform others that you do indeed have a superior palate and that you yourself are “ballin'” above those around you.
Or you can just go buy these for $16 and make all you want…
The Oops Design Award is not an honorable award as most design awards are. The award is presented to, “… the ugliest, silliest and most useless products completed and manufactured.” Awards are voted upon by the membership of the ODAF and this membership is openly available to the public.
Pictured: A chair from the Cozy Furniture Collection, designed by Hannes Grebin. Ew boy.
Yes, I have created my first word and that word is:
loink: n. A broken web URL; A link in a web page that either goes to the wrong location or nowhere at all.
That’s right. That’s MINE! You can go suck it, Urban Dictionary. We already have PLENTY of different words for “penis”, thank you very much. You DO NOT need this one.
File this in the “What Were They Thinking” category. The SciFi Network has decided to change their name to SyFy.I know, right? Looks like “Siffy” to me too. According to their own press release (WARNING: lots of bad corporate speak):
“…broadens perceptions and embraces a wider and more diverse range of imagination-based entertainment including fantasy, paranormal, reality, mystery, action and adventure, as well as science fiction…”
That may be so but…SyFy? So, phonetically it is the same. I get it. Don’t want to confuse anyone now do we? But if you are trying to diversify your content on your network and distance yourself from being just a science fiction (Sci-Fi) channel, why call it something that STILL IS PRONOUNCED SCI-FI!?! It is the SAME THING but spelled poorly! If you gotta change it, frickin’ change it.
And a tag line, “Imagine Greater”!?! Horrible. People loosing their jobs left and right and someone got paid to come up with that!?! Man, I would love to see the ones that they DIDN’T choose. Apparently there were over 300! There must have been some dandy ones. As @SoundSystemSDC said on Twitter this morning, “it beat out ‘It’s Imaginably Great!’ and ‘We got yer flyin’ cars right here.'” I love that last one.
The person most responsible for this is the president of The SciF – er- SyFy Network (Ew. Now I feel dirty) David Howe who says amazing things like:
“We really do want to own the imagination space.”
You want to own the what now?
“When we tested this new name, the thing that we got back from our 18-to-34 techno-savvy crowd, which is quite a lot of our audience, is actually this is how you’d text it. It made us feel much cooler, much more cutting-edge, much more hip, which was kind of bang-on what we wanted to achieve communication-wise.”
Maybe they could add a Poochie character.
“…build a broader, more open and accessible and relatable and human-friendly brand.”
“Human-friendly”? Is there any other kind?
And how about his description of their new series ‘Warehouse 13”:
“It is a dramedy and it is set in the here and now. It’s a kind of an Indiana Jones meets ‘Moonlighting’ meets ‘The X-Files. This is a very accessible, relatable, fun show.”
I just threw up in my mouth a little.
I would like to suggest these other changes to some other top cable networks so they too can distance themselves from their base:
Lifetime = LyfeTyme
he History Channel = The HySTORY Channel
Comedy Central = Comedy Polarized
The Weather Channel = The Whether Channel
The Food Network = I’d Eat That!
USA Network = ‘Merica
MTV = Garbage
OK, where’s my check?